


Under The Knife

by eleanorperaltiago



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Constructive Criticism Welcome, Depression, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Minor Character Death, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Sad Amy Santiago, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Terminal Illnesses, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2019-09-16 20:00:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16960563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eleanorperaltiago/pseuds/eleanorperaltiago
Summary: Amy Santiago’s life hasn’t been the easiest. She’s haunted by the memories of her past, but just manages to keep them from consuming her whole. Ever since she's transferred to the 99th precinct, life has been a little more manageable. Her colleagues have become her chosen family, and she loves each and every one of them. Especially Jake. They distract her from the memories for the most part, and she doesn't mind. Amy likes to learn about people, but she doesn’t like to tell people much about herself, for various reasons. Holt knows about the story behind her transfer to the 99th precinct, and told her that it would be kept confidential. Jake knows about her anxiety, and is always there when she needs support. The others know a few basic details about her, like her birthday and how she likes her files organized.So when the past suddenly starts to catch up to her and unveils itself, life starts going down hill too fast for her to handle. She spirals back into the darkness.





	1. The Phone Call.

**Author's Note:**

> hey. i know this chapter is really short and I don't know what this is but if you read it please leave some constructive criticism. The title is a song from "Icon For Hire." Anyways, enjoy

Amy Santiago’s life hasn’t been the easiest. She’s haunted by the memories of her past, but just manages to keep them from consuming her whole. Ever since she's transferred to the 99th precinct, life has been a little more manageable. Her colleagues have become her chosen family, and she loves each and every one of them. Especially Jake. They distract her from the memories for the most part, and she doesn't mind. Amy likes to learn about people, but she doesn’t like to tell people much about herself, for various reasons. Holt knows about the story behind her transfer to the 99th precinct, and told her that it would be kept confidential. Jake knows about her anxiety, and is always there when she needs support. The others know a few basic details about her, like her birthday and how she likes her files organized.

So when the past suddenly starts to catch up to her and unveil itself, life starts going down hill too fast for her to handle. She spirals back into the darkness.

 

January 3rd

She’s in the middle of a briefing when her cell phone rings, drawing attention to her, and gaining an unreadable expression from Holt. She smiles sheepishly and declines the call, not checking who it was from. 

“Sorry. Continue.” She speaks, blushing ever so slightly from embarrassment. 

Holt just nods his head and continues talking about a homicide case that has been assigned to the whole team. He talks about how if they don’t catch the suspect within a week, the FBI will take over. Everyone audibly groans in displeasure at the word “FBI”, because of how they treat the detectives like amateurs.

Amy is jotting down notes about everything they know so far about the killer and their potential motives. 20 minutes later and they are dismissed, sent back into the bullpen to work on the case. Her phone starts ringing again. She walks into the breakroom to take the call, wanting her privacy. She looks at the caller ID and sees that it’s her dad.

“Hey dad, what’s up?” she asks cheerily, a smile plastered on her face. Amy loved her father very much, even though she was a mommy’s girl.

“Amy..” her father, Victor, says. By the tone of his voice, she could tell he was upset.

The smile fades into more of a frown, her eyebrows knitting together in concern and utter confusion. “Is everything alright? Did something happen?” she breathes out quickly. Her heart starts to beat faster as she starts pacing around the breakroom.

“It’s your mother. She--” Victor stops, the sound of a deep shaky breath can be heard. “She has become very sick again. You should come down here to see her.” 

Amy stops pacing, tears welling up in her eyes. “W--what?” she chokes out, placing her hand over her mouth to stop a sob from escaping. She turns away from the breakroom window so nobody would see the tears now streaming down her face. 

“Amy, please come see your mother. It’s not looking good.” the pain in his voice mirrors hers.

“Okay, I’ll be there as soon as possible.” she whispers through a sob, hanging up and collapsing on the floor. 

Her heart is pounding inside her ribcage and she’s shaking like a leaf. She claws at her chest with sweaty hands, feeling like oxygen has up and abandoned her, leaving her dizzy and suffocating. The door behind her opens and closes, followed by hurried footsteps. Amy turns around to see Jake running towards her with outstretched arms. How he knew to come in here was lost on her. She stands up and gladly accepts his hug, crying into the crook of his neck.

“It’s okay, Ames.” he says softly, running his fingers through her hair. “What happened?”

Amy hugs him tighter, like he’ll disappear if she lets go. “My mom is sick again.” she chokes out in between sobs. Her breathing is still uneven and she feels she might faint.


	2. What If?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with another chapter! Thank you for all the kind words you all have been leaving in the comments:) this is from Jake's POV, but the story is carrying on from where we left off. Enjoy:)

[Amy hugs him tighter, like he’ll disappear if she lets go. “My mom is sick again.” she chokes out in between sobs. Her breathing is still uneven and she feels she might faint.] 

 

Jake has never known what it was like to have a sick parent. The constant hospital visits, the piling medical bills, the close-calls, or them crying in the middle of the night because they were scared. He didn't know what it was like to have a sick parent, but he knew what it was like to lose a loved one. And he hoped to god everyday that Amy would never have to know what that felt like. So when Amy was crying her eyes out in his arms, he could only think of 2 possible reasons. Either the stress from work has caught up to her, or someone she loved was dying or dead.

“My mom is sick again” she says. The words are rushed, like if she had not said them now, she would never say them at all.

His heart is breaking as she continues to cry, and he lets her. Jake holds Amy close to him, running his fingers through her hair. He won't let her go through this alone.

“Ames I am so sorry.” he says softly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. He walks them over to the couch and sits down, arm still tightly around her. 

“I need you to drive me to the airport, Jake.” Amy says, tears gradually slowing. 

Jake gently moves his hands to cup either side of her face, using that pads of his thumbs to wipe the tears away. He smiles softly at her, and nods his head.

“Of course. I’ll drop you off at your place so you can pack a bag, then i’ll drive to mine so i can pack my bag.” Jake kisses her forehead and stands up, holding his hand out to help her up as well.

Amy takes his hand and stands up, not letting go of it “Jake, you don’t have to come.” she says, looking at the floor.

“I want to be there for you, Ames.” he softly replies.

She smiles and hugs him. He gently cups the back of her head with one hand while the other is on her back. 

“Babe, I love you so much. But I need to be alone with my mom and dad. Is that okay?” her voice is quiet, and Jake thinks she sounds nervous about saying this to him.

He squeezes her tight and then ends their embrace. He can see the panic in her eyes and realizes that he hasn’t responded.

“Are you mad at me?” she asks, pulling at the sleeves of her sweater.

“No no no. I’m not mad!” He says quickly, calmingly walking to towards her. “Ames, you don’t and shouldn’t have to ask me if that’s okay. If that’s what you need, to be alone with your parents, then that’s what you need. I love you, and I’ll be here for you whenever and however you need me to be.” Jake finishes, and he can see the relief wash over her.

“Thank you, Jake. I really appreciate it.” she stands on her tippy toes and kisses him.

“Now then, we need to get you home to pack.” He starts, smiling. “I’ll let Holt know, you gather your things and depending on how fast you pack, we should be at the airport within...2 hours, if my poor math skills are correct.” 

Amy laughs at him, warming his heart. It wasn’t a forced or fake laugh, it was a real Amy Santiago laugh. He hasn’t heard it much lately, but when he did, my god did he ever fall deeper in love with her. Jake watches her walk towards her desk to grab her things, how she checks over the list on her phone of all the things she brought into work with her today, making sure she doesn’t forget anything. The smile on his face starts to fade as he thinks about how Amy might react if things turned for the worst. Jake wasn’t there for the first time her mother got sick, because she had been 10 years old. The only thing Amy had said about it is to never bring it up. He can’t imagine what it was like for her. The worst he has seen her is when she breaks down from stress and digs her nails into the palms of her hands. What if she goes off the rails? What if she doesn’t feel anything at all? What if she goes off the grid? What if it escalates from digging her nails into her palms? Would she? What if----

“Jake?” Amy’s voice brings him out of his thoughts. “Are you alright?”

He refocuses his eyes to see Amy standing in front of him, her eyebrows knitted together in concern. Jake looks around slowly, noticing how almost everyone is staring at him. 

“Yeah, why?” He asks, lifting his hand to scratch his cheek. It’s wet. He’s crying.

Amy hugs him, the smell of her shampoo calms the anxiety he didn’t know he had. “I’ll be alright, Jake. I will.” she whispers in his ear.

He nods, wiping away his own tears. 

They walk into Holt’s office, getting Amy some time off work to be with her parents. He gives her 10 days, and they leave.

“Well, off to your place to pack.” he says to her as they stroll through the precinct, taking the elevator instead of the stairs.

“Then off to the airport.” Amy lets out a sigh, she then grabs his hand and hold its tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I'd update last week but studying got in the way of that... and Terry Crews painting a Christmas tree (which I recommend you watch). I like the idea of switching POV's while carrying on with the story. I won't do it too much, as this is mainly an Amy story, though I'll have Jake and Rosa's POV when needed in the story. I have Chapter 3 and 4 planned out but if you'd like to see something or add something, feel free to ask.
> 
> Please leave constructive criticism in the comments.
> 
> This story will most likely get more and more dark, but I plan for a happy ending.
> 
> I'll try to update as much as I can with the holidays coming up! Thanks for reading:)


	3. The Lost Card and The Art Supplies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! sorry this is so late, I had the flu. Anyways, slight trigger warning in this chapter. This is Amy's POV again, and I think the next chapter is too. Enjoy:)

Amy and Jake walk into her apartment, soaking wet from the snow-turned-rain during the walk from Jake’s car to the building. Amy noticeably cringes when she notices the dirt they’ve tracked inside.

“I’ll clean it up, you should go start packing.” Jake says, taking off his shoes and setting them on the shoe mat.

Amy smiles and kisses him quickly as a thank you. She then also takes her shoes off and runs to her bedroom to start packing.

“Okay..” she says to herself, hands resting on her hips. She walks over to her closet, grabbing her medium-sized suitcase. It was old but hadn’t been used since her mom first got sick and Amy and her brothers had to stay with their aunt. Why she kept it all these years, she didn’t know. Amy places it on her bed and opens it, finding what looks like a birthday card lying inside it, along with some stray coloured pencils and pencil sharpeners.. With hesitation, she picks up the card and flips it over. The front of the card reads ‘To My Dearest Daughter On Her Birthday.’ Amy takes a deep breath and opens it, eyes welling up with tears as she reads the words written in her mothers handwriting.

Happy 10th Birthday my dearest Amy.   
I am sorry that I cannot be there with you on this special day, but I am sending all my love to you sweetheart. I hope you are having a wonderful time at your aunt Daniella’s home, and that your brothers are treating you well. I hope you like the gift your father has brought you, we thought it suited you well. I can’t wait to see you and your brothers again, come visit soon.   
Love, Mommy.

“Well mom, aunt Daniella’s home wasn’t what it was all cut out to be.” she says to herself as she holds back tears. She hears a light knock on the door frame and turns her head to see Jake leaning against it. Amy quickly closes the card and puts it in the drawer of her side table.

“You okay Ames? I finished cleaning up the mess.” Jake says, still leaning against the door frame, arms crossed.

She smiles and nods. “Yeah I’m okay, and thank you for doing that.” She walks back towards her closet, grabbing some blouses and long sleeved shirts. Amy doesn’t want to spend too much time colour coordinating her outfits, so she just grabs what looks nice and dumps it on her bed beside the suitcase. She looks over at Jake who is still leaning up against the door frame. 

“You can come in, you know.” Amy chuckles, beginning to fold her shirts. “And while you’re in here, can you book me a ticket to Mercer Island? You can use my laptop.” She points towards her computer sitting on top of her desk.

“I was waiting for an invite.” Jake smiles, walking into her bedroom. “And yeah of course I can. What airport are you leaving from?” he asks, opening the laptop and guessing her password correctly on the first try.

“JFK to Seattle-Tacoma. How did you guess my password so easily?” Amy asks, now looking for pants. 

“Well, it was one of three things: Pineapples, Holt, or Harry Potter. But then I thought ‘what does Amy Santiago love more than me, Holt, and Harry Potter?’ and that’s when it hit me. ‘Captain Santiago’.”

Amy smirks as she starts folding the pants she grabbed, placing them neatly beside her folded shirts. She removes the coloured pencils and sharpeners, millions of unpleasant memories flash through her mind, making the weight of the objects in her hands feel heavy. She pushes through it.

“Well, good job babe.” Amy moves her clothes into the suitcase, packing them tightly together so she can fit more items. She continues to pack the things she needs into both her suitcase and carry-on.

“$322 American Airlines. You’re all set, flight leaves in 3 hours. You almost done?” Jake speaks, shutting Amy’s laptop. He walks up behind her and wraps his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder.

“Almost, just need to grab an extra pair of shoes.” She sighs, leaning into his embrace. Amy turns around to face him, then rests her head on his chest. He smells like home, he feels like home, he is her home. She feels him rest his chin on the top of her head, and the way he holds her tight helps her relax.

“I love you, Ames. So much. I’m here if you feel like talking about… well anything.” Jake says in a soothing voice, moving his one hand to rest between her shoulder blades.

“I love you so much, too.” she replies quietly, hugging him tighter. Tears start rolling down her cheeks and onto Jake’s grey t-shirt, creating little dark spots on the material. “Jake, I’m scared.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Constructive criticism is welcome. Chapter 4 should be up sometime within 14 days. Any suggestions are welcome too. Since this story will contain a lot of sensitive topics, I will leave trigger warnings for the chapters that contain triggers. Anyways, hope you all had a good winter holiday.


	4. Captain Dugley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey happy new year everyone! this chapter contains major trigger warnings so please use caution when reading.

The drive is quiet, aside from the heavy raindrops hitting the car. Amy is leaning her head against the window, tired from all the crying. She knows Jake wants her to open up, but she’s not quite ready. Back at the apartment, she had admitted that she was scared. Amy had told him that she felt her mother wasn’t going to make it, and he comforted her best he could. They hugged and left for the airport. Now, they just sit in silence. It’s about 4:30 in the afternoon, her flight isn’t until 7:00 tonight.

“Ames,” Jake starts, “I know you don’t want to talk about your mom, so do you want to talk about something else?” he suggests, stopping at a red light.

Amy just shrugs, looking straight ahead, watching cars pass in front of them. She wonders where they’re going, if they have to be somewhere important to be. If they know what it’s like in her shoes, or if they are in her shoes.

“You transferred over to the 99, right?” He asks, tone light and breezy, slowly stepping on the accelerator once the light turns green.

She tenses up at his question, an unpleasant and traumatizing memory fills her find mind. Amy takes a deep shaky breath, tucking her hands inside the sleeves of her sweater.

“Yes, I did.” she tries to sound confident. She doesn’t want him to know why she transferred. Amy knows what he’ll try to do if she tells him.

“Oh cool. What was your old precinct like? What were your co-workers like?” Jake sounds very enthusiastic and excited to hear about Amy’s old job.

“It was very unclean, and had a weird smell.” Amy’s voice cracks, but continues. “My co-workers were...odd. Some better than the others. My partner was nice, at least.”

“Ames, is everything alright? I mean with this story.” He clarifies, looking at her. 

She sighs. She doesn’t want to lie to him, but she also doesn’t want to burden him. Amy tosses the idea around in her mind, finally just deciding on telling him that she’s fine.

“I’m fine, the story just isn’t an interesting one.” the smile on her face doesn’t quite reach her eyes. She turns her head to look out the window again, eyes not quite focusing on anything in particular.

“Amy are you sure?” Jake asks her, and she can hear the worry in his voice.

“Just leave it alone. I don’t want to talk about it. Please.” Amy pleads, resting her head against the cold window, listening to the rain. She can feel Jake gaze at her every so often, but she doesn’t look back at him in return. Amy closes her eyes, falling asleep.

_[..._

__

She’s back at her old precinct. Back with her old partner. Back with her old captain.

__

It’s 9:00AM, and Amy has just arrived to work. Not one minute early, not one minute late. On time like always.

__

“Santiago!” Her partner, Maya, calls her from across the room. 

__

Amy walks to her desk like a million times before. She pulls a chair up and sits down.

__

“What’s up?” She asks Maya, eyeing her suspiciously. Maya usually only calls her over for 2 reasons. So it’s either case related, or she went on another date with some girl she met online.

__

“I heard that Captain Dugley has a special case for you.” Maya whispers to Amy, giggling like a 4th grader.

__

Amy beams at Maya. This is going to be great. This will make her look fit to be the youngest captain of a precinct one day. 

__

The door to Captain Dugley’s office opens, and he steps out. “Amy, can I see you in the interrogation room please?” he asks. He wasn’t a formal captain. Wrinkled clothes were his go-to, apparently.

__

“Yes, sir.” Amy replies, dusting off her clothes as she stands up to follow him to the interrogation room. Maya gives her a thumbs up of encouragement.

__

Down the hall in interrogation room 5 stands Captain Dugley with a file. She smiles as she enters and sits down at the table. He closes the door and locks it, then sits down across from her. The smell of his cologne filled the small space, but she pretends not to notice.

__

“So, you’re my best and favourite detective. And I know that we both know what that means.” he licks his lips, throwing the file onto the floor.

__

Amy’s heart stops. “It means I get a more challenging case?” her voice cracks, hoping that’s what he means.

__

It’s not.

__

He walks around to her side of the table, undoing his belt. She jumps up from her seat and starts backing away from him. She doesn’t want this. Amy reaches for her gun, only to realize everything is still in her locker.

__

“Please don’t touch me or hurt me. I won’t tell anyone about this if you let me go right now. Please.” She begs, her back now against the wall. Amy looks around the room quickly for anything she could use to defend herself.

__

“Oh but dear, you’re all I want. My most prized possession, my greatest piece of work.” He goes to stroke her cheek, but she ducks and runs for the door. 

__

He grabs her wrist, bringing Amy towards him. “Let go of me!” she screams, hoping that someone hears her. He uses his handcuffs to chain her to the table. She pulls and pulls to no avail, her wrists becoming bruised and bloody from trying. She’s panicking, she’s crying. He rips her clothes off, running his hands over her bare skin. 

__

“You’re stunning. More than I imagined.” he drools.

__

“Stop. Please!” she begs, squirming away from his touch. She tries to kick him, she spits in his face. Tears are streaming down her cheeks as he slaps her across the face.

__

He forces her onto the table, causing the handcuffs to dig deeper into her skin. She tries her hardest to keep her legs shut. She screams at the top of her lungs one more time, hoping to get someone's attention. He shoves her shirt into her mouth to stop the screaming, and takes his pants and boxers off all the way, climbing on top of her.

__

By the time someone unlocks the door, witnessing him in the act, it’s too late. He’s already raped her.

__

He was sentenced to 5 years in prison with chance of parole, because he was a police captain and it was his first offence.

__

She transferred to the 99th precinct 1 month after the attack.

__

_…]_

Amy wakes up in a panic. Her face is covered in tears and she’s sweating like it’s the middle of summer. She realizes that they’re parked on the side of the freeway.

“Ames…” Jake says softly, causing Amy to whip her head around. He looks like he has just seen a ghost.

She gets out of the car and vomits on the road. She feels dirty, she can still feel his touch and his breath on her bareskin. The way he looked at her, the pain and fear that ripped through her body. It was all coming back so fast. Amy vomits again. She hears Jake get out as well and walk around over to her.

“Hey” He says, resting a hand on her back.

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!!!!” Amy screams, falling to the ground, back against the side of the car. She’s starting to hyperventilate as she brings her knees up to her chest, slightly rocking back and forth. Hot tears roll down her cheeks, dripping onto her clothes.

Jake sits down beside her, but far enough away to give her space.

“Amy, you’re safe. You are okay. No one is going to hurt you here. You will be okay.” she hears Jake say calmly. Amy doesn’t want to look at him, fearing the look of shame and disappointment that she knows he’ll give her, despite his words.

“No.” Amy whispers through tears, her throat raw from the vomiting and screaming. 

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t ask for it. You are not the one to blame.” He says, catching her attention.

“But I-- I didn’t tell you what happened.” She chokes out through a sob. Amy peeks over at Jake, but quickly returns to looking straight ahead.

He sighs. “You were screaming...things.. In your sleep. You also asked me not to touch you. I put 2 and 2 together. Am i wrong?” Jake asks, still keeping his distance.

Amy shakes her head, wiping the snot on her sleeve. She cringes at her own action. 

“Here.” Jake holds out a tissue for her. Where he got it from she didn't know, but she gladly accepts it.

“Thanks” she whispers, blowing her nose.

The two sit in silence for a bit, the rain more of a drizzle now. Their clothes are soaking wet and covered in mud, which neither enjoy.

“We should get in the car.” Amy says, standing up and getting inside the car. Jake follows.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jake suggests cautiously, grabbing a blanket from the back seat, handing it to Amy.

She takes the blanket and wraps it around herself. Amy is freezing, and her wet clothes aren’t helping. She sighs, because this really is a conversation she hates. So she goes about a different way to tell Jake.

“Do you remember the Captain Harold Dugley case? It was all over the news and such.” She asks, wrapping the blanket tighter around herself.

Jake nods. “Yeah i think. Wasn’t he that guy who raped an officer at work?” he asks, turning the heat up in his car, still parked on the side of the road.

“Yeah, that guy.” She replies, trying not to let her voice crack.

“I can’t believe he only got 5 years. Just because of his ranking in Law Enforcement. It’s sick.” Jake spits, his facial expression showing his disgust. 

Amy starts crying again. “I’m the officer. And that’s why I transferred to the 99.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading this terrible horrible chapter. next chapter will pick up from the end of this one, but from Jake's POV. Constructive criticism is always welcome, and leave comments if you wish.


	5. It's not your fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry this is so late, exam month is a pain. Writer's block is annoying. Also, this chapter is very short and not as well written, sorry. This is from Jake's POV, and i hope i did it justice.

“Don’t touch me, please!” the cries from Amy made his heart stop. A million possibilities ran through his head, which caused him to pull the car over to a complete stop. _Not Amy,_ he thought, _please god, not Amy._ She talked in her sleep often, and he would normally joke about it when Amy woke up. But this time, the words repeated like a mantra inside his head, painfully loud and clear. He felt his blood run cold as she woke up screaming “HELP ME!” with tears streaming down her cheeks. Jake was sure he’d be haunted by that memory forever. His suspicions were further confirmed with how she reacted to his hand on her back, yelling at him to not touch her. He mentally scolded himself for even thinking that was a helpful gesture after everything he had heard. When they both sat beside the car in the rain, he made sure to leave space between them. No matter how badly he wanted to hold Amy close, to protect her, Jake didn’t want to cause her anymore pain than she was already going through. 

Now they’re sitting in the car with soaking wet clothes on. Jake’s heart is pounding inside his chest, and his breathing is a little uneven. He looks over at Amy and sees how her small frame is shaking. 

He takes a deep breath. “Do you want to talk about it?” Jake doesn’t want to push her, but he also doesn’t want Amy to keep this bottled up inside. The woman he loves is in pain, and he’ll be damned if he lets her go through it alone. He grabs an old tattered blanket from the backseat and hands it to Amy.

A ghost of a smile appears on her face when she accepts it, wrapping it around herself. “Do you remember the Captain Harold Dugley case? It was all over the news and such.” Amy asks, voice cracking.

Jake gets a sinking feeling in his stomach. He can’t even begin to imagine what she’s feeling right now. 

“Yeah I think. Wasn’t he that guy who raped an officer at work?” he then realizes what he has just said, and why she most likely brought up this story. He swallows a lump in his throat, looking over at Amy. She’s as pale as a ghost.

“Yeah, that guy.” she responds, the fear in Amy’s voice crushing Jake even more. _This can’t be happening,_ he thinks, turning the heat on blast. _This should not have happened to her._

“I can’t believe he only got 5 years. Just because of his ranking in Law Enforcement. It’s sick.” he spits, remembering back to when he read about the case, and how his heart was both filled with disgust and sadness, much like it is right now. He goes to add something, but is stopped by the sound of Amy’s sobs.

“I’m the officer. And that’s why I transferred to the 99.” she cries out, covering her face with her hands.

His heart is breaking. Every word a blow to the ribs. Jake feels like someone has just ripped his heart out and crushed it, while repeatedly being punched in the stomach. Everything is hurting right now, but he knows that what she’s feeling right now must be so much worse. His love, his best friend, his _soulmate,_ is breaking right in front of him. Jake doesn’t know what to do. Usually, he’d hug Amy warm and tight while showering her with kisses. But this, he doesn’t want to overstep, or cause Amy anymore pain.

“Oh Ames, I am so sorry that happened to you.” Jake says, his stomach churning. 

“Yeah. me too.” Amy starts, voice barely a whisper. “Jake?” she asks, looking down at her lap.

Jake looks over at his girlfriend, holding back tears of his own. “Yeah?”

He sees Amy fidget with her hands before taking a deep and shaky breath. “Can you, uh, can you hold my hand?” she asks, holding out her tremouring hand.

“Of course, if that’s what you need.” Jake smiles softly, taking her hand into his. Amy visibly relaxes, running her thumb gently along his knuckles.

“We should probably keep driving.” She says, sighing out loud.

He nods and squeezes her hand, attempting to start the car with his other hand. Jake hears Amy giggle softly at his commitment to not let go of her hand, and it’s music to his ears. He eventually starts the car and puts it in drive, turning back onto the freeway.

“I love you, and i’m here for you.” Jake starts, quickly glancing over at Amy. “I want you to know that this is not your fault, okay? What happened was not your fault.”

“Thank you.” Amy replies, tightening her grip on Jake’s hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading. Next chapter will start at the airport, most likely Amy's POV, or both maybe. Should be longer. I don't know when the next chapter will be up, but i hope you stick around to continue reading this story, i do plan to finish it.


	6. With Another Shot Of Whiskey And Another Sip Of Gin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with a new chapter. Enjoy:)

By the time they arrive at the airport, it’s 5:30PM. They don’t get out of the car right away. Instead, they just sit in silence.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” He asks, looking over at her. 

“I’m sure. I just told you something huge so I think I need some time to breathe.” Amy says, looking out the side window. She digs her nails into the palms of her hands, needing something to distract her.

“This won’t change anything between us. I don’t see you as someone else all of a sudden, you’re still the same woman I fell in love with. I love you Ames.” Jake smiles softly, taking her fist and unclenching it slowly before she draws blood.

“Are you sure about that? You’re not repulsed by me?” Amy asks, feeling nauseated all over again. She swallows hard, staring him dead in eyes. “How can you still love me?” her voice cracks.

“He is repulsive, and the action itself is repulsive. But you Amy, you are NOT repulsive. What happened was not your fault, and yes, I AM sure that you are still the Amy I fell deeply in love with, and I will spend the rest of my life reminding you that I do love you.” He’s squeezing both her hands now, running his thumbs over her knuckles. “Please Ames, believe me when I say that.”

She nods her head. “Okay, I believe you.” but she’s not entirely sure that she does. “I should probably get going.” Amy breathes out, taking her hands away from Jake and stepping out of the car.

Jake steps out of the car as well, grabbing her suitcase for her. “I’ll walk you in.” he smiles, taking her hand in his free one.

“Thanks.” She smiles back, squeezing his hand. Amy adjusts her purse on her shoulder as they walk into the airport, taking a deep breath.

“Babe,” he starts, only to be cut off by Amy.

“I’ve already told you Jake, you don’t need to come with me.” She tells him, taking her luggage from Jake.

“I know,” he smiles, “I was gonna say be safe, and that if you need to talk, to give me a call.” 

Amy rests her hand on either side of his face and pulls him in for a kiss. “Thank you, I love you.” she says, resting her forehead against his.

Jake moves his head up and kisses her on the forehead. “I love you too.” 

Amy breaks the embrace. “I’ll see you in a week. Don’t worry about me.” she picks up her suitcase once again.

“See you in one week.” Jake smiles sadly, stroking her arm.

Amy smiles, heading off to go through security. She misses him, she does. Amy wants Jake come with her, to be there with her, but she knows that this is something that she needs to do on her own with her parents. “One week, that’s it.” Amy whispers to herself, setting her suitcase and purse on the security check belt, along with her shoes and jewelry.

\--------------------------------

 

She makes it through security without any problems, aside from the fact that she forgot about the earrings she was wearing, but that was dealt with quickly. Amy walks over to the bar in the airport waiting area, lightheaded from the days events.

“1 shot of whiskey, please.” she says, sliding money over to the bartender. Amy takes out her cell phone, surprised to see all the unread messages she has. But out of all the messages, one stands out the most.

**iMessage: Rosa, 4:15PM:**   
**Don’t do anything stupid, Amy.**

_Don’t do anything stupid? What is that supposed to mean?_ She thinks to herself, unlocking her phone to reply to Rosa.

**Amy, 5:58PM: What do you mean?**

“Here’s your shot.” the bartender says, stopping to look at Amy. “You okay, hun?”

Amy looks up at the woman. Short brown hair, piercing blue eyes, no older than 25. “Thank you. And yeah, I’m okay.” she smiles, taking the shot. Her phone buzzes in her lap, causing her to jump slightly.

**Rosa, 6:00PM: Call me if you feel like doing something stupid.**

**Amy, 6:00PM: What do you mean, Rosa?**

**Rosa, 6:00PM: I mean, don’t do anything stupid.**

Amy shakes her head, turning off her phone. The bartender walks back over to her, whiskey bottle in hand. 

“Another one?” she asks, holding up the bottle.

“Oh, yes please.” Amy smiles, watching the young woman fill up the shot glass.

“Lacey.” the bartender says, setting the bottle down. “My name.”

“Amy” she replies, slamming the shot. 

“Nice to meet you, Amy.” Lacey smiles, now wiping the counter for no apparent reason.

“You too.” Amy says, putting her phone back into her purse. 

“So, travelling back or going to somewhere?” the bartender asks, generally interested.

“Well, I live in Brooklyn, but I’m going to my parents’ in Mercer Island.” she replies. “Can i have another shot, please?”

Lacey pours her another. “Wow, far travel.” she comments.

Amy nods. “Yeah, normally it wouldn’t bug me but, today it does.” she throws her head back as she takes the whiskey shot.

“Why today?” Lacey asks, cleaning a glass.

“My mom is sick in the hospital, so this distance is a real pain in the ass.” Amy says, setting the shot glass down.

“Damn, I’m sorry to hear that.” she says, pouring Amy yet another shot of whiskey. “On the house.”

“Thanks.” Amy takes the shot. “Okay, that’s enough for me.” 

Lacey smiles, taking the shot glass and putting in a bucket with other dirty glasses.

Amy leaves the bar, walking to go sit in the farthest corner of the airport waiting area. She sits down, sighing out in frustration. Her plane doesn’t leave for about another 45 minutes, that is until she’s notified that her flight has been delayed 2 hours.

“Oh fucking great.” Amy says to herself, letting the back of her head hit the wall behind her. She takes out her phone, dialing her dad’s number.

“Hey dad.” Amy says, “my flight has been delayed 2 hours so, I don’t know when I’ll be there.”

“That’s okay, just get here when you can.” Victor replies.

“How’s mom?” she asks, voice cracking.

A sigh is heard on the other end, making Amy hold her breath.

“She.. she’s not responding to the medication like they hoped she would. But she’s hanging on.” he says.

“Tell her I’ll be there as soon as i can, and that I love her.” she says, wiping away a stray tear.

“I will. See you soon, mi hija. I love you.”

“Love you too, dad.” Amy hangs up, shoving her phone inside her purse. She wants to scream, scream until there’s no air left inside her lungs. Amy hugs her legs to her chest, digging her nails into the palms of her hands. 

A strangled “why?” escapes her lips in a whisper, hot tears silently making their way down her cheeks as she buries her head into her arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, Comments, and Constructive Criticism are always welcome.


	7. Fly Me To The Moon

2 hours and 6 cups of gross coffee later, Amy’s on her flight to Mercer Island, stomach churning as it takes off. She sighs as she takes a gravel, not wanting to get motion sickness. Luckily, Amy has the window seat so she can rest her head against the side. She closes her eyes, ready to sleep through her flight when she feels someone tapping her arm. Amy wants to pretend to still be asleep, but she’s also curious. Opening one eye, she spots the person tapping her arm.

“Hi.” a little girl, no older than 6, waves at Amy from the seat beside her.

“Hello, what are you doing up here? Where are your parents?” Amy asks suspiciously, looking around. The lady on the aisle seat in her row seems completely unaware and unbothered by the kid.

“My mommy went to the bathroom.” she says, sitting back against the seat, playing with a ribbon.

“Oh I see.” Amy nods, not quite understanding why she’s here. “So you decided to come sit with me?”

She nods enthusiastically. “I walked around the airplane and I saw you look sad.” the child’s facial expression turns to one of deep thought. “Are you sad?”

Amy has to laugh at this, the fact that a child picked her out of a plane full of people to talk to was hilarious. “Why do you ask?”

“I think I sawed you at the airport crying, then you had a frown on your face when you were sleeping.” she explains, still fiddling with the ribbon.

“Oh, yes that was me at the airport.” Amy softens her voice, sadly smiling at the girl. 

“Why were you crying?” she asks, looking up at Amy with her big green eyes.

_How do you explain this to a child?_ “I-- I miss my mom and dad.” she says, which isn’t a complete lie. She does miss them.

“I miss my mommy and daddy sometimes too.” the girl successfully ties a knot in her ribbon, smiling.

Amy looks around the plane again. _Where is this girl’s mother?_ She doesn’t see anyone looking for a kid or hear anyone calling a name… “What is your name?” the little girls asks, bringing Amy’s attention back down to her.

“My name is Amy, what’s your name?” she smiles, watching her try to untie the knot in the ribbon.

“I like your name, I’m Rosa.” she smiles brightly, showing off her missing front tooth.

Amy chuckles, gaining a frown in response from Rosa. “What’s funny?”

“Oh it’s just that I know someone who’s name is Rosa.” Amy explains, wiping a happy tear from her eye.

“Is Rosa your friend?” she curiously asks, pointing at Amy.

“Yeah she is, she’s a detective. Do you know what a detective is, Rosa?” Amy asks, smiling as Rosa’s eyes become like saucers.

“Yes! Like Chase from Paw Patrol!” Rosa giggles, kicking her feet in excitement.

Amy nods. “Haha, I guess so!” she joins in with Rosa’s excitement. Looking around, there is still no sign of Rosa’s mom.

“Passengers, please file back to your seats and buckle up as we’re approaching a storm.” the pilot says over the intercom.

“Where’s your seat?” she asks, unbuckling her seat-belt to quickly walk Rosa back to her seat.

“Up there.” Rosa stands up, pointing down the aisle. The two exit the row and begin walking down the aisle when the plane decides to hit turbulence. Amy and Rosa fall to the floor of the plane, the shaking too rough to stand up. Rosa starts crying as Amy pulls her to her side, using her other arm to hang onto a chair.

“Mommy!” Rosa cries out, clutching onto Amy’s shirt.

“It’s okay, Rosa, shhhhhh.” she tries to comfort her as they sit on the floor, everything shaking around them. Amy takes deep breaths, ignoring the glares coming from the other passengers.

As soon as the turbulence passes, Amy walks with Rosa down the aisle, this time Rosa clinging to her for dear life. The row Rosa points at is full, confusing Amy even more.

“That boy is sitting in my seat.” she says, pointing at the man sitting beside the woman. Amy nods, suddenly irritated by the man.

“Excuse me.” Amy says to the woman, Rosa jumping to hug her mom.

“Mommy!” she shouts, smiling.

“Hi sweetie.” she says, patting her back. “Sorry if she disturbed you.”

Amy shakes her head, smiling. “Oh, no, I quite enjoyed our conversation.”

“Well, thank you for returning her, good day now.” the lady waves her off, done with the conversation.

Amy starts walking back when she feels a hand around her wrist. She turns to see Rosa, smiling up at her. “Here.” she places the ribbon in Amy’s hand.

“For me? Thank you.” Amy says, hugging the little girl.

“Bye, Amy!” she waves, running back to her mom.

“Bye, Rosa.” she says, looking at the blue ribbon in her hand, smiling. Amy makes her way back to her seat, putting the ribbon in her purse. She places her earbuds in and closes her eyes, happily falling asleep in an instant.


End file.
